I believe that life lessons should be numbered by your age. Please see title. If a lesson is less important than other lessons than perhaps it is less of a lesson and more of a mistake. Or a funny story. We can learn from both of these things, but do we really need to learn from all of them? I’m sure I have plenty of funny stories from age twenty. I only have several lessons. The really important ones, if they must be denoted, can be starred. Example: “Life lesson #20: make money before you ask for lots of it*****” or “Life lesson #20: if you’re going to be bitter about everyone else’s tropical spring break, at least be funny about it.”
Since I’m in no mood to expand on the former, let’s talk about the latter. Thoughts that run through a bitter girl’s head when she sees everyone else having more fun than she’s having: I wish my parents would send me to Punta Cana! I wish I had a sweet internship that paid me enough so that I could send myself to Punta Cana! [where the Hell is Punta Cana] I actually want to go to Jamaica–why didn’t I get sent there with the hypothetical money made by myself or my parents?! Will my life ever be right after the traumatic experience of comparing my mobile uploads of cats with the mobile uploads of palm trees? When my boyfriend gets back from St. Martin will he dump me because I wasn’t living as fabulously as he was, but in Cabo? …what will people think when they see I’m not tan/what will I have to talk about for the next three weeks/will I die alone?
Etc. So here’s the lesson: ignorance is bliss. Everyone is, inevitably, having a great time in the sand, sun and surf (I could give a shit about people who went skiing). They’re also posting about it all over the internet. The funniest thing that happened to me today was that I got to witness one of my dogs growl and paw at my cat, who, with ears flattened against his head, mewed low in his throat then sprinted off. And then I get on Facebook and my glorious animal kingdom moment is shattered by my jealousy. Why didn’t I… go here, hang out with them, at least put some damn leis on my cats.
Life lesson #20 (un-starred): let it go, or at least make decent jokes while you’re still handling your youthful “but I wanna do what they’re doing!” lamentations. And if you’re like me, totally bask in past tropical glories and do some weird stuff with one of your favorite quotes: “God gave us memories so we might have roses in December.” “MacBook gave us iPhoto so we might have Barbados in March.” Who needs Girls Gone Wild when you’ve got Santa and lik-em-stiks?