love, what is it good for

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day, which for me, was fairly uneventful.

It’s today that I think about: President’s Day. Two years ago today I dropped off my then-boyfriend at the Charleston airport and we decided to break up. We cried, kissed, and said goodbye. I drove around for thirty minutes, crying, sighing, taking real deep breaths. Then I went in to work at the finance company where I was a secretary, fielding calls from New York clients. It was the worst day of my life.

Two years later, I’m so grateful for that day. Ex-boyfriend and I still talk sometimes and we’ve both come very far. Ok, so he’s borderline rich and famous now and I’m still crossing my fingers every time I run my debit card, but we’re both in good places. I think we’re both happy. Happier than we’ve ever been, perhaps. I am at least.

I don’t mind Valentine’s Day. I love roses and chocolates and people taking pictures of their shitty stuffed bears and poorly lit romantic meals. I genuinely like it. I curl into my dog and let myself eat pasta doused in shredded cheese and I call it a lovefest like no other.

I’m not worried about finding my next love. I know it will happen eventually. I’m not perusing dating sites, although the siren call of Tinder gets to me every once in a while. Who doesn’t like to be liked?

Sometimes I think people cling to love for love’s sake. Well, shit, I know they do. I do, I have. The last few guys I’ve dated, I’ve even manufactured memories for us.

Sitting in a field, getting drunk off shitty mixed drinks. Sneaking into an under construction beach house to, you know. I liked what was happening, but I knew none of it would ever have me driving around at 7 a.m., crying into my steering wheel as I braced myself for work. It couldn’t be love.

So this President’s Day, I’m celebrating love. Letting love go two years ago was one of the best decisions I (and someone else — you can’t make these decisions alone) ever made.

Don’t wallow in a lack of love. Revel in what’s to come.

As for love, well, if it’s not the good kind, what’s the point?


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